Techie relaxes into the mattress, looking up from the pillow as if something she’d said drained the tension from his body. “Nao,” he whispers to her like it’s a secret, a smile in his voice. “In case you d-didn’t get the memo… I’M a big stupid loser.” He meant it, actually. Techie’s self-esteem lay so far underground that it could hit the planet’s core. And yet, though somewhat misguided, Nao was praising him.
If being a “big stupid loser” meant he hadn’t let this cruel world make him unfeeling or hardened… that was alright by Techie. “I’ve never b-been normal, and if ‘normal’ is treating oth-thers like garbage, I’d rather be weird.”
Something about this felt like a teaching moment, as though in some alternate universe he’d been her father and had the responsibility of guiding Nao through life. It was a pleasant idea. Heaven knows Techie hardly felt useful or needed. Maybe he was here, a little bit.
She didn’t dare look at Techie in the silence that followed due to the tightening in her throat. If she did, he’d see the tears that were dangerously close to spilling and if she spoke, he’d hear the weak wavering accompanied by wanting to cry but holding back. ‘Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What are you crying for, huh? Because that snivelling loser reminds you of your difficult, dumb and dead brother? He was kind too and look where it got him.’ Her cruel thoughts did little to make her feel better but it did remind her that Techie was wrong.
“T-Then you’ll just die like the rest of them! Probably in some trash heap forgotten and unmourned!” She snapped at him, voice still full of sadness but sharp enough to indicate she was angry. She rolled over with her back to Techie and pulled the blanket over her head so she could be disconsolate in peace.
Techie’s mouth fell open, at a loss for words. Obviously Nao had lived through something horrible to hold all these cynical thoughts so close to her heart. Being bitter and sad should be for lonely 34 year olds like him, not for kids. His chest tightened with sympathetic pain. Did she ever even get to be a child in peace?
“I’m s-sorry,” he apologizes quietly. “I didn’t mean to, uh, upset you…” Techie let her have as much of the blanket as she wanted and settled in under the sliver left over. His eyes were still wide open, staring at the ceiling and knowing he’d be getting little to no sleep. But he had an idea.
“Nao… My brother w-would mourn me. So would Matt. And… maybe you w-would. As long as I h-had people that cared about me, it’s okay if I d-die in a trash heap.”
TechieHux 