TechieHux

imperialcantinajam:

Leia: Poe, why do my records show a 100 credit shipping and handling fee for a metal bikini you sent to the Finalizer? You know how I feel about metal bikinis…

Poe: Oh, I sent it to Hugs! There’s a secret camera in the box, so when he opens it in front of the First Order High Command, we’ll get to see their reactions live!

Leia: Your immaturity astounds me.

[later on the Finalizer]

Hux: What do you mean we don’t have enough Hosnian chromium to build the transmitter on Starkiller II?!

First Order Officer: Prices have been so high ever since we destroyed Hosnian Prime, there’s no way that we can afford it even with our generous budget…

Stormtrooper: Package for a uh… “General Sulky Hugs”.

Hux: *snatches package* *takes out metal bikini*

First Order Officer: I… didn’t know you were into drag, general…

Hux: This is… this is 85% Hosnian chromium. *gives bikini to Stormtrooper* Send this to the Weapons Lab and have them melt it down immediately for the construction of Starkiller II! *tearing up* Maybe, my Resistance scum partner does care about me after all!

[meanwhile at the Resistance base]

Leia and Poe: *watching live footage*

Leia: You’re demoted again.