huxloween:

Anything But Itsy Bitsy

(Fall décor, mixed with my own personal headcanon of Hux having arachnophobia) 

Kylo wrapped the banisters to the stairs in a white gossamer, humming “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” as he did so, stopping every few seconds to add a crocheted spider his friend Phasma gave him. Since it was the start of the Halloween season, he knew the prank battle between him and Hux would escalate this year. Last year, Hux snatched the victory with his impressive usage of a projection of the Demogorgon (and some help from Mitaka on stilts) to take the victory in the prank war. This year, Kylo was determined to come out on top, and he would tap into Hux’s worst fear. 

Armitage rolled his eyes at the idea of ghosts and haunted places, but always kept a watchful eye anyway. The mere mention of evil clowns launches him into an eyeroll. But it’s one tiny thing that sends his pulse rushing, one small, eight-legged creature that makes his heart pound- spiders. 

“Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren, does whatever a Kylo can/To make Hux piss his pants/When he sees a spider dance/Look out for prank king Kylo Ren!” Kylo sang under his breath as he wound fake spider webs around Hux’s study, making sure to cover everything from the computer to his desk. Just then, he looked around and spotted the one thing that would make his prank complete. Off to the side, resting on a stand, was a gleaming alto sax- Hux’s most prized possession. Kylo wrapped the horn in the fake webs, dotting tiny plastic spiders on the keys, before setting a fake tarantula into the bell. For added measure, he made it look like a black widow was spinning a web from the mouthpiece, which would definitely make Hux scream like a little girl. Chuckling to himself, he went back to the living room and pretended to look busy as he heard the sound of the door open. He waved hello to his boyfriend as Hux lugged in his briefcase, exhausted from his long day at work, as Millicent wove between his legs, demanding her hooman give her attention. Sooty, Kylo’s cat, perched on the couch and blinked slowly at Hux before flopping on his side and falling asleep. 

Kylo watched as Hux went downstairs, presumably to play some music for a while. After a long, exhausting day at work, Hux would take up his sax and play to relieve his tensions and anger. (Most of the time he would play jazz standards, but he would add in some free jazz improvisation from time to time.) However, instead of music, Kylo heard a yelp of fright, followed by a growl of exasperation. Holding back laughter, Kylo watched as Hux stomped up the stairs, angrily clutching his saxophone which was covered in fake spiders. 

“Explain,” Hux barked, shoving the instrument in Kylo’s face. Unable to contain himself, Kylo burst out into laughter. 

“Man, I should’ve seen your face!” Kylo said, slapping his knee, which only earned him a glare from Hux. Heaving a sigh, Hux began to slowly and meticulously remove the webs and spiders off of his instrument, and playfully put them on Kylo’s head as a tacky hat. 

“If I can’t blow this, that means I can’t blow you, right?” Hux teased, his face now in a smirk. “I’m so getting you back next time!” Hux said, shaking his fist like a melodramatic villain. 

“How? By playing your sax in my ear?” Kylo teased with a resounding laugh. Hux shot him a ‘just you wait’ look and went back down to his study, where Kylo was greeted with the sound of Hux playing a sultry, deliberate jazz rendition of the infamous snake charmer song. Kylo’s eyes went wide and he immediately stopped laughing. Was Hux going to-? No, that would be impossible. 

The next morning, Kylo woke up, only to find an angry rubber king cobra on Hux’s pillow, hissing furiously at him (thanks to a recording). 

“Dammit, Hux, you win!”