Leia: Poe, why do my records show a 100 credit shipping and handling fee for a metal bikini you sent to the Finalizer? You know how I feel about metal bikinis…
Poe: Oh, I sent it to Hugs! There’s a secret camera in the box, so when he opens it in front of the First Order High Command, we’ll get to see their reactions live!
Leia: Your immaturity astounds me.
[later on the Finalizer]
Hux: What do you mean we don’t have enough Hosnian chromium to build the transmitter on Starkiller II?!
First Order Officer: Prices have been so high ever since we destroyed Hosnian Prime, there’s no way that we can afford it even with our generous budget…
Stormtrooper: Package for a uh… “General Sulky Hugs”.
Hux: *snatches package* *takes out metal bikini*
First Order Officer: I… didn’t know you were into drag, general…
Hux: This is… this is 85% Hosnian chromium. *gives bikini to Stormtrooper* Send this to the Weapons Lab and have them melt it down immediately for the construction of Starkiller II! *tearing up* Maybe, my Resistance scum partner does care about me after all!
[meanwhile at the Resistance base]
Leia and Poe: *watching live footage*
Leia: You’re demoted again.
gingerpilot
I apologize for my handwriting, and the copious amount of said handwriting in this comic
Leia does not approve of Gingerpilot
“shit, wrong ship”, gingerpilot?
Poe blinked as the holographic image of Armitage Hux, First Order general, fanatic, murderer, evil, he was evil, but damn he was pretty, glitched and fizzled and blinked out.
Armitage never contacted him outside the carefully planned schedule that he himself had created and insisted upon, yet he’d appeared now, and he’d been lounging very provocatively across a low couch, and the things he’d been wearing—or barely wearing, really—
One thing Poe had learned early on about Armitage was that he was the type who liked games; there might actually be another guy, and there might not. Under the circumstances, Poe supposed it didn’t really matter.
And so, twenty minutes later, when Armitage sent the text-only message Are we still on?, Poe chewed his lip, ruffled a hand back through his hair, and typed back, Yeah, but next time you’re wearing that for me.
TLJ novelization showed that Poe’s beloved X-wing canonically is an asshole, so beside conclusion that it prepared Poe to relationship with Hux on some level there are some interesting parallels with ginger general. Look: Poe’s X-wing and Hux are both arrogant, vainglorious and prickle assholes, both have black and orange color scheme, both effectively blows up things,
both are loved by Poe.Now imagine au where Hux is an asshole AI of Poe’s starfighter, so basically Poe flies a HuX-wing. *ba dum tss*
about the gingerpilot mpreg headcanons uhhhh hard to decide but let’s make hux the mommy pls
– Even though they’re in the middle of a war, Hux is actually happy when he realises that he’s pregnant. He imagines a house that overlooks the sea, with a vegetable garden and a swing-seat, with a warm living room and a nursery full of books and toys. And then he realises that he can’t have that because Poe Dameron, enemy of the First Order, is the father of his baby.
– He leaves it a few weeks before he gets word to Poe about what’s happening. They meet every so often to have time together, even if it’s just a few hours, like they’re in a real relationship. It’s when they’re about to part and it’s the horrid goodbye because they don’t know when they’re going to see each other again that Hux tells Poe. Poe looks down to Hux’s flat stomach but touches it anyway, and tells him that he’s so happy and they’re not going to worry about what they’re going to do because this is a happy moment.
– But the distance kills them both. They have a secure frequency where they’re able to send coded text messages to each other but Hux is very ill in his first trimester and craves Poe beside him to comfort him, and Poe is desperate to be near Hux to help him.
– Hux can’t keep the pregnancy a secret for much longer because of how big he is so he tells people that he had a one-night stand with an officer and got pregnant, using himself as a humorous example against sex to try and deter the younger officers from distractions. Supreme Leader Ren is very inquisitive about it and why Hux doesn’t just have an abortion but Hux always tells him that the child has nothing to do with him.
– Poe starts collecting little baby clothes in a box to give to Hux the next time he sees him but that time never comes. The war is raging and the First Order are relentless in their attacks. The Resistance is dying.
– Maybe (if you want!!!) the Resistance crumbles and the FO wins, and Poe is captured, and it’s the first time he’s seen Hux in almost 9 months but when he does finally see Hux, he’s very pale and his belly is almost flat. The baby was born premature and, though she’s okay now and she’s stable, it was touch-and-go for a while and Poe feels terrible for Hux having to go through it alone. But Hux didn’t go through it alone. He’s no longer the General, but Supreme Leader Ren’s consort….
Hux: You are tolerable, I suppose.
Poe: *crying* I love you too
For ficlet prompt: Gingerpilot/ identity porn–Hux must escape SL Ren and the FO and accidentally gets hired by the Resistance (ie neither side knows that they are working with the other–they set this up through a 3rd party and used codenames?) for his engineering expertise and intelligence. By this point Hux has developed quite a reputation as a ruthless mercenary or w/e he is. I just like the idea of him being competent and still a threat. 1st UST-laden mtg w/poe in masks and then reveal
His contact had selected the absolute worst site for the transaction, a filthy mining colony where the very air was suffused with flammable dust. Full environmental suits were required anywhere that did not lay beyond a secure airlock, and anyone passing through such an airlock was subjected to the most intense scrubdown Hux had ever experienced. Fortunately, the item was secure in a dual-layer leakproof box, so it wasn’t necessary for the Ugnaughts manning the sterilization equipment to touch it; the outer case was simply opened within the airlock and the inner case was handed back to Hux.
He sighed, perhaps overdramatically, as he was waved through to the reception area. He hadn’t attempted to wear any sort of mask under his helmet, and now he was regretting it. His full beard served as a decent enough disguise in a crowd, but here, alone with his contact, under closer scrutiny?
He had little time to bemoan his lack of foresight as another hatch soon opened, five down from the one he’d entered through. A man of average height (and therefore shorter than Hux) stepped into the room. He was wearing a pilot’s jumpsuit, ragged, like something Hux would expect from the Rebellion, and he had a cloth mask covering most of his face. The man was well-built, wiry, and Hux licked his lips and thought that it really had been too long, if he was even halfway considering propositioning a business partner. Perhaps once he had his money he’d take a little detour to a resort.
“You Breck?” the man asked, approaching the row of low couches along the wall facing the hatches.
Hux hadn’t taken a seat; he stepped forward to meet the man, extending a hand and managing to keep the distaste off his face. He hated familiarity, especially from those who were not his equal. “Wicket, I presume?” he said, and the man took his hand.
“Pleasure,” the man said, and now that he was closer Hux could make out rich, twinkling brown eyes. The rest of his face, including his mouth, was covered by that blasted fabric. “You have the item?”
Hux raised the case. “You have my money?”
‘Wicket’ patted the front pocket of his jumpsuit. “You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine,” he said.
There was something about the man’s voice that felt familiar. Hux wondered if he’d worked with the man during one of the First Order’s dealings with the Guavian Death Gang.
Hux nodded and stepped back, gesturing to the seating. Before the couches at intervals were long, low tables; he set the case down at the center of one of them and popped the release. “It’s coded to my fingerprint until the exchange is made,” he said, and then he opened the case to reveal the item.
The man dropped onto the couch and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. Hux ran him through a simple tutorial. “As you can see, the controls are quite intuitive.”
“Yeah,” his contact said. “Nice.”
It was always pleasant to be complimented on his work. Hux managed not to smile too broadly. “Thank you,” he said. “Now, my payment…?”
‘Wicket’ opened the flap on his breast pocket and reached in, withdrawing a credit chit. “It’s all here,” he said.
Hux took the chit, immediately inserting it into his clean reader to confirm the amount. “Excellent,” he said, and then he leaned forward and pressed his thumb to the override on the item, removing his command override. “You’re ready to go.”
The man packed up the case and turned back to give Hux what he assumed was a smile. “Pleasure doing business with you, Brack.”
“Likewise,” Hux said, “though next time you might choose a less inconvenient location.”
“Harder for one of us to betray the other when we’re both trapped on a powder keg,” his client pointed out.
“True enough, I suppose.”
Wicket was turning to leave when Hux said it. He couldn’t help himself. Curiosity was going to get him killed one of these days. “Do you know Bala-Tik?”
The man stopped and glanced over his shoulder. “Why?”
I have a feeling we’ve met before, Hux thought, but his brain caught up with him and he managed not to say it. “Oh, no reason.”
But Wicket had turned back around now. He set the case down again and stepped close to Hux, too close, peering up at him with narrowed eyes. “Have we met?” he asked.
“I’ve never spoken with anyone named Wicket before,” Hux demurred.
The man laughed. “You’re so familiar, now that I think about it,” he said. “But you’d think I’d remember someone as hot as you are.”
Hux could feel himself going pink. “I beg your pardon,” he said.
“Did you change something? Your hair maybe?” Wicket cocked his head to one side. “That’s one hell of a dye job, if so.”
“Excuse me, this is my natural hair color,” Hux said, scowling.
“Nice,” the man said, and Hux flushed deeper. “Huh, what else could it be? Maybe—”
He broke off suddenly, taking a step back. Then he stepped forward again and retrieved the case.
“What?” Hux asked, alarmed.
“Nothing,” the man said, backing toward the hatch. “Thanks for this,” and he waved the case at Hux. “We’ll be in touch.”
“Not nothing,” Hux cried out. “What is it?”
The man punched the access button and the hatch began slowly cycling open behind him. “You really wanna know?” he asked.
“I do,” Hux said.
Wicket paused, then reached up with his free hand and tugged the mask away from his head. Dark curls fell free around his pleasantly tanned face and winning smile. “Hey, Hugs.”
“D-Dameron?!” Hux spluttered. Had he just sold weapons technology to the damned Rebellion?
“Good to see you,” Dameron said, still smiling. “You’ve done well for yourself, I see.”
Hux couldn’t form words. He wanted to demand that Dameron give the item back, but of course that wouldn’t happen, and he needed the money anyway. He was also inexplicably angry that Dameron’s face was even better-looking than his body; he’d never seen him in person before.
“You’re a lot hotter in person,” Dameron said. “Maybe next time we can get some caf of something.”
Hux finally regained the ability to move. He stormed toward the hatch. “Do not tell anyone you saw me here,” he demanded.
Dameron sobered a bit. “You know I have to at least tell Leia.”
“Dameron,” Hux began, but the pilot broke in again.
“Look, I don’t wanna out you to the First Order, not if you’re gonna keep supplying us with weapons. You are, aren’t you?”
Hux came to a stop, fists clenched at his sides. “How dare you try to blackmail me. You’ll never find me again.”
The side of Dameron’s mouth quirked up. “You’re cute when you’re mad.” He stepped backward into the airlock. “Think about it. Next time. Caf. Or maybe dinner?”
Hux faltered, blinked, and stared, and the hatch cycled closed between them.
“Next time,” Hux muttered, “we’ll meet someplace I can have a blaster,” but somehow, he knew it was an empty threat.








