It just makes more sense!

Still stuck at home since I ducked my head and decided to play along for the sake of having a roof over my head. I’ve been very depressed as of late and tried to harm myself once or twice, but I’m seeing a therapist in September so I’m holding on until then. My stuff is still heavily searched/under surveillance. But you know, I can’t stay away. This fandom, all my friends and roleplays… they keep me going. They’re what I love. So my hopes are to keep running my blogs, although the activity will be a lot slower than normal. I’ll reply to my drafts sometime this week, and if any rp partners would rather end the rp(s) we have together, please let me know. It’s totally fine, no problem! I just want to get back into the swing of things, somehow. 

Last night, I survived 6 hours of questions and lecturing from a church official who said, among other things, that I’m sick and need help for being a lesbian. The worst part is how calm and convincing he sounded. My parents talked to me too. They don’t want me to leave the religion, and say I have to break up with my girlfriend. I don’t want to but they’ve got me scared God will destroy me. It’s clear in the Bible that He hates homosexuality and will destroy any unrepentant sinners; I grew up with these verses. I’m so lost. There’s no good choice. No matter what, I lose either my family or my friends. How will I be happy? I can’t even kill myself because life is sacred and suicide is a sin.

I took matters into my own hands and came out to my mom. And then my grandma. They’ve got me scared and miserable. Idk what the hell I’m going to do with myself.