I stepped on a beetle last night. Probably the only beetle onboard the entire Finalizer, or maybe even the only beetle in SPACE, and what do I do? Crush it.
I cried about it a lot.
[T3CH13N1C1@N posted at 7:41AM]
I’m a fuck up… I know I am- holy SHIT can’t I do anything right?! Still thinking about this fucking bug days later. IT’S DEAD. Nothing I can do!!
My heart still hurts. Poor thing, poor thing… TT_TT
[T3CH13N1C1@N posted at 5:38PM]
Ever since that whole insane episode with MaMa ended and things have gotten quiet again, I’ve felt… off. Numb, and lost. Demons from my past could show up at any time and wreck what little peace I built up.
Why do I try to feel better? What’s the point? It’ll get ruined again, without fail.
I’m slipping back into a really bad place…
[T3CH13N1C1@N posted at 9:19 PM]
I don’t understand *why*, but it means the world to me
5 Things I Like About Myself:
Tagged by @lenina-phasma 🙂 Thank you for thinking of me, Captain Phasma!
Okay… Let’s see what I can come up with.
5) I’m good at numbers. When other stuff gets confusing, numbers are stable and easy to predict.
4) I sorta like my nose. It’s the only part of me that looks good-ish in photos 😌
3) My fingers are thin and long, so they’re easy to get into small spots when I need to.
2) This sounds so weird but I like the way my eyelashes look in the light OTL
1) Most of all I like that nice people seem to like ME, even though nothing about me is all that great
I’ve been talking it over with Hux, and I want to legally name myself. He wrote up all this paperwork for me under the name “Technical Hux” but… I want to do this for myself.
I had a lot of time while recovering from the attack to think about it, and so I finally chose a name for myself!
Please welcome Bill Huxley to the world!
😀
It feels like the kind of normal name I might’ve had in another life, if I hadn’t ended up on the Finalizer.
[T3CH13N1C1@N posted at 6:39PM]
The door’s triple locked and I’ve got food in here in case I need to stay for a while. The blaster Sarah gave me is with me and I’ve got it focused on the doorway should MaMa actually come.
I don’t know if this will be my last post ever. If all goes according to my plan it won’t be.
But just in case:
To Hux, my brother: Thank you for finding me again. I know it was hard to open up to me and I really appreciate it. Ren will watch over you when I can’t, and you’re really tough so I don’t worry so much. I’ll try to become a ghost so I can haunt you (nicely). I love you.
To Matt: Mattie. Don’t panic. You always try to protect me but this time I’m protecting you. Our secret dream can still come true (you know which one I’m talking about) but… You might have to enjoy it by yourself, big guy. I love you.
To MP, who has been so good to me: I can’t even begin to describe how happy your friendship has made me. Watching movies and hanging out with you has been the highlight of my days. I’m not so good with words, but I hope you only miss me for a little while and can move on quickly. I’m really not worth so many tears, okay? I love you.
To Sarah: I’m having a hard time typing now because I’m crying really hard but thank you. Thank you for your kindness. For your love. It means the world to me. I’d never had spaghetti before I met you but now it gives me such good memories that I’d happily eat even the world’s worst plate of it. I love you.
To the mysterious love letter writer: I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you before… all this mess started. I kept waiting for your next note but I only got MaMa’s. Thank you for brightening up my days. Please love someone else soon, someone better. I love you.
Bye, everyone. I’ll see you in the morning. Hopefully.
[T3CH13N1C1@N posted at 11:42PM]
Seems like it’s a slow day today. My friends are all busy and there isn’t anything to do except sit around. Maybe I’ll catch up on my sleep (with the help of some melatonin pills because insomnia is a little shit!)
[T3CH13N1C1@N posted at 1:22PM]
I got a few asks to answer that I’ve been putting off due to lack of time, and I just want to say that I’ll be getting to them today! Also please don’t tell my supervisor I’m typing this up instead of working or I’m fucked!
[T3CH13N1C1@N posted at 11:00AM]
And not the good kind of fucked either.
[T3CH13N1C1@N reblogged at 11:07AM]
I got a few asks to answer that I’ve been putting off due to lack of time, and I just want to say that I’ll be getting to them today! Also please don’t tell my supervisor I’m typing this up instead of working or I’m fucked!
[T3CH13N1C1@N posted at 11:00AM]
TechieHux 